Eviler Emily

Eviler Emily awoke to the sound of her alarm clock blaring in its usual annoying fashion. Brightness strewed through her window as an indication of the start of a new day. She groaned as she rolled out of bed, a noisy complaint on her tiredness. Today was the day of the big history test and she was in no way prepared. She began the brushing of her teeth, the combing of her hair and the general ritual of making herself into an attractive teenager. As she made her way downstairs, she smelled the sweet aroma of coffee and she finally began to wake up.

You see, there were three Emilys at Central Valley High and each had nicknames to tell them apart. Eviler Emily was actually one of the most generous girls in all of the school. The night before, her best friend threw a party and invited the entire sophomore class, of whom most of which attended. Eviler Emily knew it would be a major undertaking and so she volunteered to help. While her classmates binged on beer and vodka, she spent the party bartending and diligently mixing the drinks. While her classmates complained of the munchies, she would order out for pizza and Chinese food to satisfy the urges. And while her friends complained of headaches and the onset of the inevitable hangover, she laid them down as comfortably as she could.

As she got off the bus to Central Valley High, she ran into her best friend, Evilest Emily. She looked just as sleep deprived, if not more so. Evilest Emily was probably the most generous girl in the entire school. Whenever Evilest Emily’s parents were out of town, she would host massive after-hours parties. So many people would be invited that there would hardly be any standing space. She would always find a way to supply the alcohol no matter what the situation and there was always an endless supply of it. She never asked anyone to bring anything in return. Since her parents were out of town fairly regularly, the parties she throws have gained a reputation for being a large orgy of drunken bacchanalian debauchery. Only Eviler Emily ever helped out because the two girls really enjoyed entertaining their classmates.

They caught up a little at their lockers and walked into their history classroom. Most of their classmates in the rooms were nursing their massive hangovers from the night before and by the looks of it, very few had a chance to study for the exam. The class gave a collective groan as the clock struck 8AM and their teacher, the third and final Emily at their school, stormed in with a fit of rage. Evil Emily, as they called her, was clearly on a rampage with smoke coming out of her ears and fire spewing from her mouth. Her deadly glare would bore into the students as she went to tear into each and every student about their attitudes. When she got to the two Emilys, she stopped her diatribe and a smile broke out over her face. “Class,” she said. “You are lucky that you have two wonderfully evil students in your class to bring down your average. Why can’t you all be more like them?”

You see, Center Valley High was also known as the Devil’s Vocational School and Evil Emily was the Principle. She immediately began to heap praises on Eviler and Evilest Emily as the instigator of the party that would allow the rest of the class to fail the history final. Without them, an inordinate number of students would actually pass. The class gave groans of appreciation and was glad to have such good peers that watched out for their wellbeing. Eviler and Evilest Emily smiled at each other. They loved being the teacher’s pets.