"Nothing," as defined by Webster's 7th online dictionary, means "no thing." How simple it is. Most definitions are not as lucky - compound words rarely reflect the meanings of their constituents. “Cargo” does not mean an automobile ride and “mankind” does not mean that people are generous. But this particular definition is rather elegant.
Nothing.
No thing.
Its own existence is a paradox. The concept of “nothing” does not lack conception. On the contrary, the concept of nothing is full of meaning that it cannot be simply described as “no thing”. If it was truly “no thing”, then it should not even have a definition. It is a void in space, a missing link or a deficiency of substance. A day spent doing nothing is still a day spent. Nothing can be more expensive than the Mona Lisa or cheaper than dirt. (Of course, since there is a sand shortage in Saudi Arabia, dirt may actually be worth more.)
It is the answer to the great quandaries of existence. What was before the big bang? Nothing. What is the space between electrons? Nothing. What did you do on your date last night? Oh, nothing. Since nothing travels faster than light, it could potentially be used to propel humans to the stars.
We could not survive without nothing. Nothing gets us through the day like having nothing to worry about. Buying nothing costs little and does not create clutter in your home. Spending nothing will never cause inflation. Stealing nothing will never land you in jail, no matter how hard you try. If nothing didn't exist, we would not have nine seasons of Seinfeld.
It can land us into trouble. If we did away with nothing, we would be just as badly off as we are now. If we ignore nothing, then we become deluged with work.
But it also can save us from awkward endings. After all, nothing is said, when there is nothing left to say.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Your Average Joe
I'm 5'10". Some may consider me tall while others will consider me short. America is consumed by averages of all sorts. On average, Boston receives 3.1 inches of rain in June, KFC serves 3,000 customers per week and people spend $271 on electricity per year. But in reality, it is very difficult to be dead-on-average. To be truly average is an unattainable goal.
For instance, the average american family has 3.14 persons and they would own 1.9 cars, according to the US Census Bureau. I don't know of a single household with 0.14 persons occupying it. Maybe they only come out at night? Likewise, I've never seen 0.9 of a car being driven around on the streets. Perhaps they're missing a wheel so they can't move?
Sometimes, it seems luxurious to be average. On average, a person will fall asleep in seven minutes and sleep for 8.6 hours per day. On average, americans spend 5.18 hours in leisure activities per day.
Sometimes, it's good to be above average. Most people have more than the average number of fingers on their hands. The average lifespan is 76 years.
Sometimes it's better to be below - the average speeding ticket costs $150.
But it is rare to be dead-on-average. The average height in America happens to be 5'10". I happen to be very proud of my mediocrity. I stand by it with pride.
For instance, the average american family has 3.14 persons and they would own 1.9 cars, according to the US Census Bureau. I don't know of a single household with 0.14 persons occupying it. Maybe they only come out at night? Likewise, I've never seen 0.9 of a car being driven around on the streets. Perhaps they're missing a wheel so they can't move?
Sometimes, it seems luxurious to be average. On average, a person will fall asleep in seven minutes and sleep for 8.6 hours per day. On average, americans spend 5.18 hours in leisure activities per day.
Sometimes, it's good to be above average. Most people have more than the average number of fingers on their hands. The average lifespan is 76 years.
Sometimes it's better to be below - the average speeding ticket costs $150.
But it is rare to be dead-on-average. The average height in America happens to be 5'10". I happen to be very proud of my mediocrity. I stand by it with pride.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Two Dimensions
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a 2 dimensional universe?
Trees would stand like telephone poles and a forest would be perfectly lined like a white picket fence. Seasons would disappear - the sun would travel along the same path every day. Hurricanes and tornados would not exist. Rivers would not wind like a snake, neither would snakes. All roads would lead to Rome.
Refrigerator doors would not open to the right or left. Planes would not have wings. There would be no such thing as theater-in-the-round. If you were caught in traffic during the morning commute, there would be no lane to change to. TV would be a blinking line. There would be no road for the chicken to cross.
You would never throw a gutter ball. The hockey goalie would block everything. Tug-of-War would be the main Olympics attraction. There would be only one lane at the swimming pool. Cartwheels would be easy for anyone. Baseball would only have two bases.
Only one person could fish in the ocean at a time. There would be no left or right side of politics. No one would be able to cut in line. You would not be able to roll out of bed. Zen gardens would lose its meaning. You would never come to a fork in a road. Anyone could walk the tightrope. The fat man and the thin man would look exactly the same.
It would not matter which side the knife goes on. You would not be able to put your elbows on the table. Pies would look like spaghetti. All bread would be sliced. Doughnuts would not have holes.
And the people would be so one dimensional.
Trees would stand like telephone poles and a forest would be perfectly lined like a white picket fence. Seasons would disappear - the sun would travel along the same path every day. Hurricanes and tornados would not exist. Rivers would not wind like a snake, neither would snakes. All roads would lead to Rome.
Refrigerator doors would not open to the right or left. Planes would not have wings. There would be no such thing as theater-in-the-round. If you were caught in traffic during the morning commute, there would be no lane to change to. TV would be a blinking line. There would be no road for the chicken to cross.
You would never throw a gutter ball. The hockey goalie would block everything. Tug-of-War would be the main Olympics attraction. There would be only one lane at the swimming pool. Cartwheels would be easy for anyone. Baseball would only have two bases.
Only one person could fish in the ocean at a time. There would be no left or right side of politics. No one would be able to cut in line. You would not be able to roll out of bed. Zen gardens would lose its meaning. You would never come to a fork in a road. Anyone could walk the tightrope. The fat man and the thin man would look exactly the same.
It would not matter which side the knife goes on. You would not be able to put your elbows on the table. Pies would look like spaghetti. All bread would be sliced. Doughnuts would not have holes.
And the people would be so one dimensional.
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