The Proverbial Myth-Busters

Consider the tea kettle. Although it is up to its neck in hot water, it sings.

It is common for people to be reminded of the tea kettle when they are in dire situations. Few people, however, question the validity of the statement. Does the statement imply that a tea kettle sings when it is filled with hot water? If so, can it sing some of the world's greatest arias? Can a human be taught how to sing when up to one's neck in hot water?

Let us consider the first question – how does a kettle sing. For our experiment, we purchased a KitchenAid tea kettle and used a Kenmore gas stove. We measured 2 quarts of water in a graduated cylinder and transferred the fluid into the kettle. Before running the experiment, we donned our safety glasses – remember, kids, we are professionals. Do not try this at home.

The kettle was placed on the stove. The initial temperature was 25.6^oC. No sound was detected from the kettle at this point. The heat was turned to “high”. After 2 minutes, we heard a rumbling sound, as if a tractor was revving its engines. We assumed this was equivalent to the warm up exercises of singers. After 4 minutes 42 seconds, the kettle began to exhibit steam. Ten seconds later, a loud whistling was heard – presumably, the kettle was now singing. The temperature of the water was 100^oC. We then attempted to decipher what it was singing. The language was unknown and sounded but sounded like a high-pitched equivalent of a blue whale’s mating call.

Next, we tried to teach it to sing. Since we did not know its voice part, we chose four distinct pieces of music, Don Giovanni’s Aria from Mozart’s opera, a tenor part, “I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General”, a bass part, “Habarera” from Carmen, alto, and “Hit me Baby, one More Time”, soprano. The kettle sang all four pieces of music with the exact same sound and the exact same interpretation.

To test the second question, whether anyone can sing when up to one’s neck in hot water, we went to Times Square in New York City. We built a 6’ tall wooden pyre and set a large human-sized cauldron filled with water. Then, with our safety glasses on, we solicited volunteers from the streets to sit in the cauldron while we lit the pyre in order to see if they could sing when the water temperature reached 100^oC. Unfortunately, for this part of the experiment, we were unable to procure any volunteers; however, our safety glasses did prevent us from obtaining several black eyes.

We concluded that although the kettle sings in hot water, its language is unknown and it does not seem capable of learning a human language. It is unknown if a human could be taught how to sing by standing in hot water.

Thus:
The myth that kettles sing: CONFIRMED
The myth that kettles can sing great music: BUSTED
The myth that anyone can sing in hot water: INCONCLUSIVE

Tune in next time as we find out whether the pen is truly mightier than the sword, or if actions speak louder than words.