The Importance of Reading

“We Serve Only Patented IH-22 Lactic Acid Bacteria Kimchi.”

These were the words that greeted me on my placemat as I sat down for lunch at a korean restaurant in New York City. They surprised me - I did not expect to delve too deeply into digestive sciences before my meal, but this is New York and anything can happen. After navigating the menu and choosing my meal, I began to study the writings in front of me.

“By using soybean protein instead of salted fish for fermentation, Dok-do Kimchi contains plenty of bean oligo peptide, amino acid, calcium from vegetables, iron, and vitamins.”

So much can be learned about a culture by reading their placemats. In Chinatown, customers are greeted with colorful placemats with the twelve animals of the zodiac and can read descriptions of each trait. You can tell that the Chinese greatly value animals and their mystical abilities. If one wants to have a long life, they will eat a monkey. If one wants to be handsome, they can eat a snake. Wise people are in short supply because the last time a dragon was slayed was in 274AD by St. George.

“Dok-do Kimchi contains a large quantity of lactic acid bacteria IH-22 which stays active when ingested. This aids in creating a self protective film against acid in the stomach.”

The larger-than-life color photos of Big Macs on McDonald placemats never made me want to eat more Big Macs. Rather, they made me disappointed that the one I just purchased was only a quarter of the picture size. If they really wanted to court my business, the real-deal has to be at least the same size as the ones in the advertisements.

“The patented lactic acid bacteria IH-22 and the dietary fiber in Dok-do Kimchi help remove toxic wastes from your digestive tract by drawing them out of your body.”

Placemats at diners along America’s superhighways are filled with local advertisements. Here, drivers can relax and truly appreciate the commercialization of America without having to worry about passing a billboard before memorizing the telephone number. As an added bonus, the placemat can even be folded up and taken away as a constant reminder that yes, you too can save 15% or more on auto insurance by calling Geico.

IH-22 lactic acid has been proven to eliminate and suppress harmful bacteria that cause food poisoning (from a clinical test at Seoul Women’s University, Korea).”

But the truly sublime ones are pure Bond White and textured with curly edges. Their slate is empty, they sit there seemingly silent and tame and yet they taunt “write on me” to someone armed with a crayon. Their story is yet to be told, their life has yet to be lived.

“In a clinical test performed at Chung-Nam National University of Korea, Dok-do Kimchi proved effective on more than 80 percent of patients who suffered from chronic constipation.”

The Koreans are unique in their love of their beloved single-celled organisms. How many cultures would display prominently the features and benefits of the bacteria harbored by their most famous dish? The French do not talk about the yeast cells in their wines and no one discusses the mold in blue cheese.

“Children love Dok-do Kimchi for its non offensive smell. Dok-do Kimchi provides beneficial bacteria to everyone including the elderly.”

An hour later, I left the restaurant with the full knowledge that I ate some pleasant-smelling spicy fermented cabbage which provided me with billions of beneficial bacteria that busily removed carcinogenic waste from my intestinal tract while preventing constipation.

“Great tasting Kimchi without the smell!”

And that is why I’m glad I can read.

Answers

Why?
Why not?
Why not ask?
Why ask?
Why ask why?
Why ask anything?
Why pursue anything?
Why pursue answers?

What is not known?
What is known?
What can be known?
Do we know what we don't know?
What is the value of learning what we don't know?
What do we do with the knowledge?
Why not pass it onto someone else?
Who would we pass it to?
Who does not know yet?
Where would we go to find them?
What do they know?
What do they not know?

How does one teach them what they don't know?
How does one teach them to ask for it?
How does one teach them to ask why not?
How does one teach them to ask why?
How does one teach them to ask?
How does one teach them why?

Change

That's funny, thought John. I can't seem to feel my right hand. It was an odd sensation but not particularly alarming one. It was early in the morning and he had no need for his right hand yet. After awhile, he tried again, this time testing each finger individually, but they still did not respond to his mental commands. He shifted his attention over to his left hands. Index finger? No response. Ring finger? Same result. Next, he tried to bend his arms but they were both locked into position. He moved his attention to his neck muscles but they refused to budge. He then moved his concentration to his lower body. He thought hard about his knees but they refused to flex. What about the toes? No such luck. John sighed. It was going to be one of those mornings. At least I’m warm.

This had been going on for several long months now and John was sick of it. Initially, he thought nothing of it, being rather glad that he had no more responsibility but now he was becoming irritated. He hated being in a vegetative state. To occupy himself, he mentally flexed each muscle every day although they could not respond with physical motion. His morning exercise over, John sighed again and resigned himself to his fate. Usually after his morning exercise, he entertained himself by counting to a million. He averaged about two thousand numbers per day. Yesterday he stopped at two hundred ninety seven thousand eight hundred twenty two. He hoped to break three hundred thousand today.

All of a sudden, there was a tremendous jerk and his world began to shake violently. What’s going on? He thought with alarm. His neck began to squirm, his arms clawed at empty space his legs began to spasm uncontrollably. Stop it! He commanded with all of his energy. Stop it now! His heart pounded faster and faster as his body writhed while being tossed around. All of a sudden, a rush of cold air tingled every nerve in his body. He felt fear like he never felt before and he gave a guttural cry that strained his tender voice box and stretched the capacity of his newly developed lungs.

"Congratulations!" said the nurse to his mother. "It’s a boy!"

Nothing to Read

"Nothing," as defined by Webster's 7th online dictionary, means "no thing." How simple it is. Most definitions are not as lucky - compound words rarely reflect the meanings of their constituents. “Cargo” does not mean an automobile ride and “mankind” does not mean that people are generous. But this particular definition is rather elegant.

Nothing.

No thing.

Its own existence is a paradox. The concept of “nothing” does not lack conception. On the contrary, the concept of nothing is full of meaning that it cannot be simply described as “no thing”. If it was truly “no thing”, then it should not even have a definition. It is a void in space, a missing link or a deficiency of substance. A day spent doing nothing is still a day spent. Nothing can be more expensive than the Mona Lisa or cheaper than dirt. (Of course, since there is a sand shortage in Saudi Arabia, dirt may actually be worth more.)

It is the answer to the great quandaries of existence. What was before the big bang? Nothing. What is the space between electrons? Nothing. What did you do on your date last night? Oh, nothing. Since nothing travels faster than light, it could potentially be used to propel humans to the stars.

We could not survive without nothing. Nothing gets us through the day like having nothing to worry about. Buying nothing costs little and does not create clutter in your home. Spending nothing will never cause inflation. Stealing nothing will never land you in jail, no matter how hard you try. If nothing didn't exist, we would not have nine seasons of Seinfeld.

It can land us into trouble. If we did away with nothing, we would be just as badly off as we are now. If we ignore nothing, then we become deluged with work.

But it also can save us from awkward endings. After all, nothing is said, when there is nothing left to say.

Your Average Joe

I'm 5'10". Some may consider me tall while others will consider me short. America is consumed by averages of all sorts. On average, Boston receives 3.1 inches of rain in June, KFC serves 3,000 customers per week and people spend $271 on electricity per year. But in reality, it is very difficult to be dead-on-average. To be truly average is an unattainable goal.

For instance, the average american family has 3.14 persons and they would own 1.9 cars, according to the US Census Bureau. I don't know of a single household with 0.14 persons occupying it. Maybe they only come out at night? Likewise, I've never seen 0.9 of a car being driven around on the streets. Perhaps they're missing a wheel so they can't move?

Sometimes, it seems luxurious to be average. On average, a person will fall asleep in seven minutes and sleep for 8.6 hours per day. On average, americans spend 5.18 hours in leisure activities per day.

Sometimes, it's good to be above average. Most people have more than the average number of fingers on their hands. The average lifespan is 76 years.

Sometimes it's better to be below - the average speeding ticket costs $150.

But it is rare to be dead-on-average. The average height in America happens to be 5'10". I happen to be very proud of my mediocrity. I stand by it with pride.

Two Dimensions

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a 2 dimensional universe?

Trees would stand like telephone poles and a forest would be perfectly lined like a white picket fence. Seasons would disappear - the sun would travel along the same path every day. Hurricanes and tornados would not exist. Rivers would not wind like a snake, neither would snakes. All roads would lead to Rome.

Refrigerator doors would not open to the right or left. Planes would not have wings. There would be no such thing as theater-in-the-round. If you were caught in traffic during the morning commute, there would be no lane to change to. TV would be a blinking line. There would be no road for the chicken to cross.

You would never throw a gutter ball. The hockey goalie would block everything. Tug-of-War would be the main Olympics attraction. There would be only one lane at the swimming pool. Cartwheels would be easy for anyone. Baseball would only have two bases.

Only one person could fish in the ocean at a time. There would be no left or right side of politics. No one would be able to cut in line. You would not be able to roll out of bed. Zen gardens would lose its meaning. You would never come to a fork in a road. Anyone could walk the tightrope. The fat man and the thin man would look exactly the same.

It would not matter which side the knife goes on. You would not be able to put your elbows on the table. Pies would look like spaghetti. All bread would be sliced. Doughnuts would not have holes.

And the people would be so one dimensional.

An 11 Month Christmas Season

Christmas is a time to gather with family and friends, catch up with their lives and reflect on the year before returning to the busyness that defines our lives. But Christmas tends to be overshadowed by a long to-do list with a hard deadline of midnight on the 24th. It is ironic that what should be an enjoyable season turns into perhaps the most stressful and there is a certain sense of relief when it is over. Frequently one hears that the meaning of Christmas is all but lost.

This year, I found myself in a strange predicament. I usually finish my holiday responsibilities early; all my shopping was done and cards were sent. But furthermore, through a strange twist of events, I found myself in between jobs and my holiday plans did not start until Christmas Day. The upshot: it was two day before Christmas and I had absolutely nothing to do.

“This,” I thought to myself, “gives me the perfect opportunity to search for the elusive Christmas spirit!” But where does one begin this search? I decided to go to where one finds the most number of people in one place during the Christmas season: the mall.

The mall, at 9:30 PM, was a place inviting chaos. Lines for registers wound around stores while shelves looked disheveled and unkempt. All of the stereotypical shoppers were here - last minute shopper carrying multitudes of bags, the mother with her whinny child and the unruly high school mob on holiday. Exhausted sales clerks sat on the floor while yuppie families browsed for the latest gadgetry. The food court was crowded with people taking a break from their shopping marathons. All of this happened over the din of Christmas music played on loop - done, redone, until it’s overdone.

While sitting at the food court, I realized that there was a common theme in all of the pandemonium. The mall, for all its frenzied and materialistic nature, became a nexus for people to gather. It became a lively meeting spot for friends to converse over a plate of Lo Mein at an hour most people usually reserve for bedtime preparation. Families chatted the hours away as they rested their feet. Since the mall was open later than usual, homeless people had a warm place to stay for a few extra hours. In essence, the act of shopping for gifts had brought people together in ways that do not happen during the normal year. During Christmas, we go to parties that are held once a year. We spend time with family that we see infrequently. We meet new people through mutual friends. The only problem is that we are so busy we do not enjoy each other's company.

So as we recover from Christmas and clean up the mess left behind, let us stop and be thankful for the friendships that we already have. Now that the holiday responsibilities are over, let us spread the holiday spirit throughout the year. Let us spend time with friends old and new no matter what the occasion and take the time to truly enjoy their company. After all, we only have eleven months before we will have to ignore everybody in order to shop for them.