Travel Log April 10, 2008. Maine

Maine is an exciting place. Close your eyes and imagine a land lush with forests on rolling hills with streams that empty into lakes and rivers that flow out to the ocean. Now imagine pristine land perfect for hiking, rafting, climbing, biking, skiing, and mountaineering. Add to that people in plaid shirts with large, bushy beards shopping for hunting rifles and fishing poles. Now imagine the population density spread out so thin that living one hour from town is “close enough” to feel connected to the rest of the world. Imagine stores serving dual purposes, like the Tanning + DVD Salon.

Now imagine what sort of exciting newsflashes can be had in such an environment.


Queen Elizabeth the Second Invades Bar Harbor.
Bar Harbor, ME. On a warm and sunny day, the quaint, New England town of Bar Harbor received a surprise. The 2nd Infantry division on board the QE II landed right off of the Porcupine Islands and launched an amphibious assault. The town, caught unawares, surrendered without firing a single shot from their two ceremonious canons located at the harbor. Thousands of invaders landed in a span of a few hours and mercilessly pillaged the town. The soldiers noisily went into the taverns and public houses to eat and drink their fill. They would stumble out onto the streets and take the best clothes, jewelry and crafts. The local inhabitants were unable to protest the small sheets of paper traded in return. They put on a valiant yet futile effort to keep some semblance of order in their small town but the local police force was vastly outnumbered. Rioting hit the streets at night when there were not enough accommodations. Several taverns were burnt to the ground with the loss of several lives – mostly locals. The eerie orange glow of the fires lasted till late into the night. By the early morning, Bar Harbor was only a shell of what it once was.

Low-bush Blueberry farmers Attacked by Swarm of Ladybugs.
Columbia Falls, ME. The National Guard was deployed to defend Watson’s Blueberry Farm from a swarm of invading Ladybugs. Henry Watson, the owner, said that his farm hands put up a brave fight but were no match for the vicious insects. “Normally they fly through in order to feed on the Aphids but this is almost like a plague. Indeed, the entire field was covered with small crawly red bugs and what used to be the farmhouse is now a lair for the insects.

“This is the worse infestation of ladybugs I’ve ever seen” said Sam Winterpool, Captain of the National Guard. “For now, we are at a stand-off. Our smoke machines are just good enough to keep the insects at bay and prevent them from attacking the town. We have special equipment being flown in from the Capitol that will hopefully repel the invasion for good.”

Mr. Watson was thankful, however, that the National Guard arrived when they did. “My farm hands and I were getting overpowered and if the Guard arrived a few hours later, we would have been a goner. Usually the ladybugs will fly through outside in the fields, but this year they came into the barn – and there are no aphids in there!”

General Announcements
The National Chainsaw Artwork Association will be holding their annual banquet and fundraiser auction Thursday night at the Mexican-Italian Restaurant. All proceeds will benefit the Foundation for Chainsaw Artwork Insurance.

See how exciting Maine can be? For when you live in Maine, your imagination is all you have.