The Importance of Reading

“We Serve Only Patented IH-22 Lactic Acid Bacteria Kimchi.”

These were the words that greeted me on my placemat as I sat down for lunch at a korean restaurant in New York City. They surprised me - I did not expect to delve too deeply into digestive sciences before my meal, but this is New York and anything can happen. After navigating the menu and choosing my meal, I began to study the writings in front of me.

“By using soybean protein instead of salted fish for fermentation, Dok-do Kimchi contains plenty of bean oligo peptide, amino acid, calcium from vegetables, iron, and vitamins.”

So much can be learned about a culture by reading their placemats. In Chinatown, customers are greeted with colorful placemats with the twelve animals of the zodiac and can read descriptions of each trait. You can tell that the Chinese greatly value animals and their mystical abilities. If one wants to have a long life, they will eat a monkey. If one wants to be handsome, they can eat a snake. Wise people are in short supply because the last time a dragon was slayed was in 274AD by St. George.

“Dok-do Kimchi contains a large quantity of lactic acid bacteria IH-22 which stays active when ingested. This aids in creating a self protective film against acid in the stomach.”

The larger-than-life color photos of Big Macs on McDonald placemats never made me want to eat more Big Macs. Rather, they made me disappointed that the one I just purchased was only a quarter of the picture size. If they really wanted to court my business, the real-deal has to be at least the same size as the ones in the advertisements.

“The patented lactic acid bacteria IH-22 and the dietary fiber in Dok-do Kimchi help remove toxic wastes from your digestive tract by drawing them out of your body.”

Placemats at diners along America’s superhighways are filled with local advertisements. Here, drivers can relax and truly appreciate the commercialization of America without having to worry about passing a billboard before memorizing the telephone number. As an added bonus, the placemat can even be folded up and taken away as a constant reminder that yes, you too can save 15% or more on auto insurance by calling Geico.

IH-22 lactic acid has been proven to eliminate and suppress harmful bacteria that cause food poisoning (from a clinical test at Seoul Women’s University, Korea).”

But the truly sublime ones are pure Bond White and textured with curly edges. Their slate is empty, they sit there seemingly silent and tame and yet they taunt “write on me” to someone armed with a crayon. Their story is yet to be told, their life has yet to be lived.

“In a clinical test performed at Chung-Nam National University of Korea, Dok-do Kimchi proved effective on more than 80 percent of patients who suffered from chronic constipation.”

The Koreans are unique in their love of their beloved single-celled organisms. How many cultures would display prominently the features and benefits of the bacteria harbored by their most famous dish? The French do not talk about the yeast cells in their wines and no one discusses the mold in blue cheese.

“Children love Dok-do Kimchi for its non offensive smell. Dok-do Kimchi provides beneficial bacteria to everyone including the elderly.”

An hour later, I left the restaurant with the full knowledge that I ate some pleasant-smelling spicy fermented cabbage which provided me with billions of beneficial bacteria that busily removed carcinogenic waste from my intestinal tract while preventing constipation.

“Great tasting Kimchi without the smell!”

And that is why I’m glad I can read.