It is an age-old question that spawned many battle over countless generations. Scholars fought to the death in giant roman coliseums over the question. Musicians representing each faction jockeyed for position in the world's greatest orchestras. Massive demonstrations in public squares cheered one side and jeered the other.
Who was better? Mozart or Schoenberg?
In order to spare the health of humans, some scientists have already tested this question on animals.
Biological Analysis: In Vivo Study
A group of laboratory rats in a University of Texas experiment were subjected to daily doses of Mozart, and another group of rats had Arnold Schoenberg as their daily fare. The rats as a total group preferred Mozart. (Cross, Halcomb, and Matter, Psychonomic Science 7, 233, 1967)
Rebuttal to Biological Analysis:
Rats are deaf to much of the music because more than half the notes of a Mozart sonata are below the absolute threshold for what rats can hear. (Kenneth Steele, Music Perception 21, 251, 2003)
Veterinary Health:
It has been discovered that research causes cancer in lab rats.
Conclusion:
Who in their right mind would compose music for rats to enjoy? That's like building a car for dogs to drive. If you really want to see which one is the better composer, sponsor a concert where they are playing back-to-back Mozart and Schoenberg. Then count the number of people who leave after the Mozart piece and before the Schoenberg piece. Common sense wins again.
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